And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
