just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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