The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
