He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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