stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize