i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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