New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
