Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
