So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All the doctor said was why
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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