This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
