I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
