Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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