I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
