i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
