Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
