Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
