You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
