he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize