She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
