We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
