a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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