the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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