who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
