I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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