I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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