she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
