do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
