Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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