Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
