Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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