Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
