I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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