in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
