No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
