I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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