Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize