I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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