woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
