I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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