what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
