ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize