I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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