So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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