Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
