you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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