good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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