I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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