Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
