I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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