I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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