perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
