At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
is wine microwaveable?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
