I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
