I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
