i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
