So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
