I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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