I'm eating all of the evidence.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
