I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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