I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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