You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
