I can text with my tongue
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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