oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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