I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
