grandma shit on top of the toilet
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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