Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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