Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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