the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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