wakey wakey hands off snakey
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
