His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
