i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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