i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
