She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize